Parenting can be extremely hard and it was no exception for American parenting author Elizabeth Pantley. After her fourth child was born, Elizabeth’s priorities changed and she realised what an important job parenting is.
“It started me on a mission to help other parents do their best job as well,” she said.
She also travels around the world helping parents – she says the problems they face are the same wherever you are in the world. “I have found a tantrum is a tantrum whether you’re in the US, UK or South Africa, we’re all very much alike,” she said.
So what do you find are parents main concerns?
“The top three issues are sleep, temper tantrums and milestones – potty training, walking and things like that. Unless you’re in that spot where you cannot function anymore because you’re not sleeping you don’t know how bad it is. It’s not a joke, it’s a serious issue and it can be very frustrating and difficult to deal with.”
However, Elizabeth does believe that some parents do not help themselves.
“A lot of these issues are actually created by ourselves. That newborn baby is so delicious to hold in your arms while they’re sleeping or awake but by the time they’re two and they still won’t take a nap out of your arms, they’re heavy and you have things to do – you’re saying ‘My Goodness, what have I done’. It can be helpful to know what you should or shouldn’t be doing so you can set up some good sleep habits. I don’t believe children should be made to cry there are gentle and kind ways to help our children.”
Many experts believe children need to learn the difference between day and night before they can sleep properly. Elizabeth agrees – up to a point.
“The interesting thing with newborns is that day and night is to do with biology. When they’re in the womb day and night is the same thing. They wake, they sleep and the environment is always the same. It’s usually a quick shift. We can help that along by making sure that the days are bright and active and that bedtime is quiet, dark and peaceful so we’re not turning on bright lights for that midnight nappy change.”
Mum-of-four Elizabeth strongly believes that babies should have bedtime routines.
“From the time your baby is six or seven months old it can help to set an early bed time and stick to it every single day. People let the baby go to bed early some days and then on Friday night, there’s no work tomorrow so the baby stays up late so in essence your child has jetlag all the time. Biologically children have a set bedtime which is usually about six or seven o’clock at night. Most children get fussy around this time of night.”
For some parents though, sleeping is not the biggest challenge they face – many have told Elizabeth that they struggled with potty training. So, when is the right time to begin?
Elizabeth believes: “If a child is physically and emotionally capable of going to the bathroom on their own that’s the time that potty training is easy and fun for everyone. It takes some time, it’s not something you can do in one day. If we’re relaxed and peaceful it’s a lot more fun for everyone. By the way, this is not something to be stressed or competitive about, by the time they all start school they’re all in the same place.”
Unfortunately, potty training often coincides with tantrums which Elizabeth says is the number one issue with toddlers.
“Most are caused by a toddler’s inability to control their emotions. That’s enhanced when they’re tired, hungry or frustrated. The first thing you should ask is ‘Is my child tired, do they need a nap, are they hungry or frustrated?’
A lot of the tantrums will just go away, if they don’t, validate their feelings and say something like ‘I know you’re playing but we need to go and catch the bus
, so let’s run run run really quick – lets go now. Reasure them and get them involved like it’s an adventure that you’re on together.