Posts Tagged ‘starts’

Parenting Starts Before Pregnancy

Thursday, November 27th, 2008

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Title: Parenting Starts Before Pregnancy
Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com
Copyright: ฉ 2004 by Margaret Paul
URL: http://www.innerbonding.com
Word Count: 817
Category: Parenting

Parenting Starts Before Pregnancy
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

While it may seem farfetched to some people, many of my clients remember what they felt and experienced while still in the womb. Comments such as these are not unusual:

“I knew even before I was born that my mother didn’t want me.”

“I could feel my mother’s fear and anxiety even before I was born.”

Parenting does not start once the child is born. Good parenting starts even before getting pregnant. It starts by caring about what you eat, how much exercise and sleep you get, and by making sure that you are taking responsibility for your feelings of anxiety and stress. Your baby will feel what you feel, so learning how to be in peace and joy before getting pregnant is part of good parenting.

I loved being pregnant. I had always wanted children so I was thrilled to be pregnant. I loved feeling the baby moving within me, awed by the very fact of creating new life. I loved feeling an elbow or a knee slide across my stomach. I loved that my body could be a receptacle for bringing through this soul, this angel from heaven. I could not think of anything more profound, more worth doing. Who was this unique little person growing in my body?

I read every book I could on parenting and thought endlessly how I wanted to be a different parent than my parents were.

The problem was that I have never thought about how much my relationship with myself and with my husband might affect this child.

My husband was angry, distant and withdrawn during my pregnancy and the first three months after giving birth to our son. He was a person who wanted control and he was not happy that I got pregnant six months before we had planned. He didn’t open his heart until our son smiled at him at three months of age.

Being young, I had no idea how to handle the loneliness I felt at not having my husband joyfully involved in the hugest event of my life. Had I known then what I know now, I would have done anything I could to get the help we needed to bring our relationship back into caring. We can’t go back, but I’m sure that my son felt the lack of joy that existed between my husband and me. I’m sure he felt the depth of my loneliness. I wish I knew then what I know now about taking responsibility for my own feelings.

Being pregnant and giving birth are enormous events in a woman’s life, especially the first child, which changes your life so dramatically. If you do not know how to take responsibility for your own feelings of anger, hurt, anxiety, depression and loneliness, things will only get worse after giving birth. A child does not solve problems for you.

It’s hard to imagine before having a child what it is like to be responsible for another life 24/7. If you have not learned how to lovingly parent yourself before giving birth, you might find yourself getting lost as parent your baby. Good parenting starts before getting pregnant, with learning how to take loving care of yourself.

If you have a desire to be a good parent, here are steps you can take before getting pregnant:

1. Physical health: make sure that you are in good physical shape by eliminating sugar and artificial sweeteners. Start to shop in health food stores and buy only organic products. Eliminating pesticides and food additives is essential for good health. Also be sure to get enough exercise and sleep.

2. Emotional health: instead of having your eyes on your partner, turn your eyes inward and begin to compassionately notice your own feelings. Start to treat your own feelings in the same way you are planning on treating your future child’s feelings – with caring and understanding. In addition, start to practice taking loving action in your own behalf – standing up for yourself, speaking your truth, taking time for yourself. Practice taking loving care of your own feelings instead of making your partner responsible for how you feel. Begin to notice what you think and do that may be causing you stress. Changing thoughts and behavior that cause your stress before getting pregnant is essential for good parenting.

3. Spiritual health: practice opening to a higher source of guidance, wisdom, strength and comfort. This can be your own highest, wisest self within you, or a Higher Power outside of you. You will find that being able to turn a source of wisdom and comfort within or without will go a long way in helping you stay loving and stress-free with yourself, your partner, and your baby. In addition, this will help you know what to do in different challenging situations with your baby.

If you are planning on having a babyComputer Technology Articles, start today in becoming a good parent!

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Good Dog Health Starts Early

Friday, September 26th, 2008

Good long-term dog health has many causes, but the one common factor is an owner who takes his puppy care duties seriously right from the start. It’s no coincidence that in study after study, veterinarians and animal scientists report that when dog health is a primary concern of the owner from the outset, that pet often lives longer and suffers fewer canine diseases. The clear message to owners: put good puppy care at the top of your list from the moment you get your new friend home.

The first step to ensuring excellent dog health for the life of your furry friend is to get him checked out by a vet within a few days of bringing him home. Most doctors will recommend a puppy care regimen consisting of a series of vaccinations in the early months and good nutrition from the beginning.

While a dog’s psychological needs might make many readers scoff, it’s important to understand that proper dog health includes bonding with owners in a loving environment. That’s why puppy care involves more than just shots and food. Stress, both physical AND mental, can wreak havoc on a new puppy’s immune system, for example, which makes him more susceptible to many canine diseases (mange, distemper, parvovirus).

Finally, don’t forget your dog’s teeth in the overall dog health picture. A good puppy care plan includes lots of hard bones and crunchy treats to chew on regularly – preferably healthy versionsFree Web Content, not typical pet store biscuits.

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The Perfect Vacation Home Starts With You

Friday, August 22nd, 2008

If you’re thinking about buying or building a vacation home, take a moment to think bigger.

Ask yourself: What will my life be like in the next ten years? Thirty years? And how will this new vacation home fit into my life down the road?

People’s reasons for buying or building vacation homes haven’t simply changed over the years. They’ve expanded and evolved. And with the baby boom generation’s retirement on the horizon, a whole new set of lifestyle and family planning choices come into play.

Here are three important aspects of your life to consider when making a decision about your vacation home plans:

1. The needs of your current – and potential future – lifestyle.

Here’s one way to look at it: Some folks are more active than others, and “active” means something different to everyone. Choosing the location of your second home should factor in the kinds of activities you want to pursue.

Here’s another way: Some people love to cook, and would want a great kitchen in their vacation home. Other people would prefer to dine out while on vacation, and just need a small and efficient kitchen.

What’s your life like now? How will that change over the years? Answer those questions, and you’ll be off to a very good start.

2. The growth of your family.

Do you have a large family? If not, will the family get bigger over time? And might they be spending a lot of time at your vacation home, separately or in big get-togethers? Or will it just be a couple of people enjoying the quiet spaces now and again?

The answers to questions like those can affect decisions regarding the community you choose, the size of the home, interior design considerations, and even the choice of whether to buy condos or property within a vacation resort.

3. The length of your visits.

What was once a vacation home, in which you spent a precious few weeks per year, could easily turn into a permanent residence upon retirement. Things you might tolerate in small doses – like a bathroom unattached to the bedroom, for example, or the lack of a seasonal porch or deck – could become issues in the long run.

If you don’t mind making the investments in home renovation projects later on, then more power to you. But wouldn’t it be better – and easier – to get it right the first time?

The idea of planning a vacation home to suit your future life doesn’t come naturally to a lot of people. To make it easier, make it fun! Before you start the process, take some time to imagine your future life. Who will you be? What will you have achieved? What roll will your vacation home play for your future self?

You might learn as much about yourself as your new vacation home in the process.

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What to Do When your Teen Starts Dating

Tuesday, July 15th, 2008

Teenage dating. Itโ€™s something every parent has to deal with sooner or later, and something that must be handled with care. Everyone knows that their child is eventually going to take an active interest in the opposite sex, and eventually want to start dating. Some parents see this as an extremely exciting time for their children, taking pictures and oozing with excitement, whereas others see it as scary or worrisome, which is sad, because it doesnโ€™t have to be so. What should you do? How far should you go into their dating life, and what kind of rules should you enforce? Parents all have differing opinions on this, but I think everyone can agree that we should never hide our children away from the world, and that dating is something that we all have to in some respects, embrace.

The most usual dilemma for a parent is feeling unsure as of what role they should take in the dating life of their teenager. You have two choices โ€“ you can be the โ€œbest friend,โ€ supporting their exploration into the world of dating, or you can take a stance of being protective, enforcing your own rules to ensure their safety. Which is the right answer? Actually, both are needed. Teenagers need both of these roles due to their unique circumstances, and as a parent, it is going to be up to you to play this balancing game. Since they are still young, teens do not yet have the ability to completely utilize reasoning. They arenโ€™t on par with the adult ability to think in terms of their future, and this is completely natural. On the other hand, their increased chances of making mistakes is partially because of their limited life experience, and the only way to solve this is for them to actually have experiences form which to draw wisdom.

The fact is that all teenagers make mistakes. As a parent, you must allow your child to have enough room to learn on their own. You see, teenagers are at a time where they are learning about the world around them at an incredible rate. Some lessons, however, can only be learned by doing things wrong, and making mistakes is a very valuable way for teenagers to learn and grow up into more mature, well-adapted adults. If you are over-protective of your child during these years, they will have a hard time coping once they leave your protection. They will have to make mistakes to learn, but wonโ€™t have your protection to make it easier. So you need to allow them to really live life while they are still under your guardianship, ensuring that the mistakes they do make, you will be able to control and steer back toward the right path.

Does this mean that they should be given no rules and the ability to run free? No! Definitely not! We have already stated that teens do not have the mental ability for logical thought and reasoning that an adult has. โ€“ Of course, this means that when left to their own devices, and allowed to do that which they please, you can almost guarantee theyโ€™re going to screw up. The secret is finding the key balance between staying out of your childโ€™s dating life enough not to be pushy or overbearing, but being active enough to ensure that youโ€™re a positive role model to your child. Meet whomever they date, and make sure to go out of your way to ask about them and seem genuinely interested in what theyโ€™re up to. โ€“ Showing a real interest in those that your teenager cares most about is a great way to show your teen that you’re not there to disapprove of them and that you honestly, genuinely care about their life.

Teenage dating does not have to be something big or scary, and is actually an exciting new adventure for you and your child! Ask your child questions about their date, fun questions, like what they find most attractive about them, or what their favorite hobbies are. โ€“ Questions that will instill a sense of bonding and trust in your teen that you arenโ€™t there to be the parental police unit. Of course, make sure not to take this too far, and let your child know that youโ€™re still the parent and still in control. โ€“ By striking this perfect balance, you are ensuring that your child will have the safe and enjoyable dating experience growing up that we all should be able to look back fondly upon.

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