Posts Tagged ‘Parenting’
Parenting: Baby??s Naptime
Wednesday, March 10th, 2010Parenting: Attachment Parenting Tools
Wednesday, February 10th, 2010Attachment parenting (AP), a phrase coined by pediatrician William Sears, is a parenting philosophy based on the principles of the attachment theory in developmental psychology. According to attachment theory, a strong emotional bond with parents during childhood, also known as a secure attachment, is a precursor of secure, empathic relationships in adulthood.
Attachment parenting describes a parenting approach rooted in attachment theory. Attachment theory proposes that the infant has a tendency to seek closeness to another person and feel secure when that person is present. In attachment theory, children attach to their parents because they are social beings, not just because they need other people to satisfy drives and attachment is part of normal child development.
Dr. Sears?? attachment tools, also known as the seven B??s, is a style of caring for your infant that brings out the best in the baby and the best in the parents. The B??s include birth bonding, breastfeeding, baby-wearing, bedding close to baby, belief in the language value of your baby??s cry, beware of baby trainers and balance.
Dr. Sears reminds the parents of his patients that AP is a starter style, and that there could be medical, environmental, or family circumstances that could prevent parents from practicing each of the seven B??s, and that they are to be a tool to get parents off on the right start.??? It??s not to be considered a strict set of rules, but encourages responsive parents by recognizing their baby??s cues and level of needs.???
He again emphasizes the phrase ??tool?? over ??steps.????? A tool can be individually chosen based on its usefulness
, whereas a step implies that each must be used in a correct order to get the job done.?????? He encourages parents to stick with what??s working and adjust those tools that aren??t. This process will help parents design their own parenting style unique to them that helps baby and parents plug into one another.
Making parenting fun
Thursday, December 3rd, 2009Creating a Parenting Plan for Your Children
Tuesday, November 10th, 2009One of my most painful experiences was going through a divorce. It brought with it a huge pile of self-doubt. I wondered if I had any goodness left. I wondered if I’d ever trust another again. I felt overwhelmed with the tasks I saw in my future. I was exhausted just thinking about it!
Every good soldier knows not to cross a battlefield without a map of where the land mines are buried. Your battlefield has become, by default, raising your children in the best manner you know how. For the sake of the children, it would be great if you and the spouse you are divorcing could sit down and create this parenting plan together. If that’s not possible, then you need to provide some answers to these questions. Deciding ahead of the time when crucial issues must be decided will give you an edge.
About The Children’s Feelings
1. You need to decide just how to share with your children that you’re getting a divorce. If you don’t think quickly on your feet, write it down ahead of time on paper.
2. Make sure they know it was not due to anything they did.
3. Tell them what changes you know have to be made and that you’ll make them together. Let them know you’ll try to keep as much the same as you can.
4. Decide that you won’t say anything to them (like making promises) that you can’t follow through on. Their stability leans on your follow through.
5. Decide not to badmouth your ex in front of your child. He still loves him or her and deserves to.
6. Children need both parents. Try to keep moving out of the picture.
About Custody
1. Keep up relationships with in-laws whenever possible. It’s part of your kids stability.
2. Decide here and now not to use your child’s time with his other parent as a battering ram to punish your ex. It will hurt your child.
3. If your ex doesn’t show up when promised, don’t make it a big deal in front of your kids, no matter how angry that absence makes you.
4. Decide right now that you will not grill your children when they come home from visiting their other parent about him/her or their new mate.
5. Keep an information sheet with all statistical data about the child and be sure his other parent and his child care giver has a copy.
6. Determine which holidays and school breaks will be spent with which parent.
7. Share information about the child’s health, school, etc. with his other parent.
8. When communicating, remember this: your child’s greatest good is the most important thing.
9. If the child support cannot be paid on time, it can be collected by the court.
10. Which parent will provide health care coverage?
About Goals For The Children
1. See if you and your ex can establish the same levels of discipline. Be reasonable. Examine what TV shows they can watch; what bedtime needs to be honored; what language is appropriate for example.
2. Determine that homework has to be monitored by both of you, not just the parent the child is living with.
3. Decide with your ex where you’d like to see the kids’ achievements in the future and work to keep that goal in mind.
4. Don’t permit your child to become alienated from his other parent. He needs both parents.
5. Children thrive when their routines aren’t varied. Each parent should try to honor the child’s normal routine. Consistency will help keep your child level and achieving normally.
6. Consequences for misbehaviors have to be kept consistent by each parent. Decide what they will be and then follow through.
7. Determine what your standards are for achievement in school and each of you work to support the child to achieve them.
8. If your children have special needs, address how they will be supplied by each of you.
About Your Feelings
1. Don’t confide your personal less-than feelings to your child. She/he is not a therapist. She/he cannot solve for you.
2. You will need some alone time. Set this up with your ex. Do whatever it takes to keep yourself sane and level – bubble baths; gardening; a hobby. You’ll know.
3. Get a coach, a minister, an older aunt/uncle who can help you through tough situations that occur. You’ll benefit from having a support team.
4. You will have to put your children’s needs before your own until they are grown. Don’t ignore your own needs, however. They must be addressed.
5. If there are disputes over child rearing, seek the help of an arbitrator. Don’t feel so all alone.
6. Admit that you were wrong to your children if you were. Children love honesty and, frankly, they already knew you were wrong. When you’re honest with them, their esteem of you will increase and you’ll get to enjoy an open relationship.
These ideas are not all inclusive. There’s a lot more you can find on the internet to flesh these in. With a parenting plan, you can prevent your kids from the negative effects your divorce might have on them. It can also prevent a second divorce and your children certainly don’t need that. I don’t want to see that happen to you either.
Developing Co Parenting Skills: Working Together to Raise Happy Kids
Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009Co-parenting isn??t easy. It??s actually quite a chore. When neither parent is willing to negotiate or communicate, the child has the job of transitioning from one parenting style to the other. As a parent educator and family therapist, I have seen many anxious and confused children affected by their parents?? inconsistent rules and styles. Sometimes children do this under the same roof and sometimes under two, but the bottom line is that it is the parents?? responsibility to create a balance.
Parenting skills vary much like personalities. The differences can be as subtle as the setting of bedtimes to as serious as choosing consequences for bad behavior. The bottom line is adults have a number of motivations for parenting. For instance, they might try to do better than their parents. Thus, we attempt to find new and effective strategies to raise good kids. These ambitions can be difficult enough. Now add the challenge of joining forces with another adult who was raised by different parents and who may be select different strategies.
So how do parents, married or divorced, stay clear and consistent, raise confident children, and feel influential as parents? They learn how to work together and become better co-parents! Here are several successful co-parenting steps.
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- Identify your personal style and motivations. Your first job in becoming a successful co-parent is to figure out your general style and motivations. If it were all up to you, how would you parent? How would you motivate your children? How would you use punishment and encouragement? What are the top 10 values you would like to teach your kids? Now ask yourself WHY? Why would your style be that way? What is your motivation? How did your parents parent you? Are you attempting to repeat their upbringing or compensate for it?
- Share your parenting style and motivation with your co-parent. I understand that you might feel vulnerable sharing your style and motivation. Your style may be different than your spouse??s style. In order for you and your partner to co-parent successfully, you both need to appreciate and support the ideas you bring to the table. When you listen to where the other parent is coming from, it will allow you to join forces.
- Before deciding on a parenting style and direction, consult parenting books and classes. Now that you have looked at each other??s parenting style, take a look together at good parenting books and the current research. Report back to each other and consider how your styles measure up.
- Decide on a parenting style. You now have several examples of parenting strategies and philosophies. Its time to blend what you believe with what your co-parent believes and what the experts say. This is the ultimate in negotiation but remember that if you do not negotiate at the adult level, it leaves your child to figure it out. Once you??ve decided, then write down the basics and embrace your new co-parenting style.
- Implement your new co-parenting style. Now you parent! Both parents are on the same page. Children are clear on what is expected of them and what the consequences are if they do not follow the family expectations. Thus, it lessens the occasions of arguing between the parents and the opportunities for manipulation by the children.
- Hold weekly co-parenting meetings with your spouse. Since you are the CEOs of your family and are business partners in a very real way, you must stay in constant communication. The success or failure of your family rests in your capable hands. Thus, co-parenting meetings are a must! These meetings should include finances, home maintenance, parenting, and relationship issues. Meetings should be held weekly with schedule book, meeting journal and budget book in hand. Continue to review your parenting style. You may find that one child thrives under your new system while another loses balance. Good co-parents always re-evaluate and restructure when necessary.
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We are busy parents today. It is difficult to take the time to evaluate our parenting styles but the payoff is big for you as a parenting unit as well as for your child. Co-parenting takes the pressure off our children and the conflict out of our lives.
Family and parenting care
Monday, August 3rd, 2009Babies: Your Personal Parenting Style and Your Childs Sleep
Saturday, July 4th, 2009Good mothers and fathers come in many styles. Each one of us has different strengths, interests, and values that make us great parent. Dont let yourself become discouraged or disappointed when others give you advice that doesnt seem to mesh with who you are. Maybe youre not a roll around on the floor kind of parent with your child.� Maybe youve decided to hang back and let your little one explore. Thats great! As long as it works for you and your child, nobody should be able to convince you that your method is incorrect or wrong. Once you recognize and embrace your own personal parenting style, you can stop trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations and get on with the business of enjoying being a parent.
Its important to keep in mind too, that these well-meaning advice givers dont know your child as well as you.� They arent there with your child night and day, watching him grow, learn, explore, play, eat, and sleep.� Only you know whats best for your child, and you know what works best in your household and for your lifestyle.� As with anything, figuring things out along the way will involve trial and error.�
So when you receive yet another unsolicited piece of advice regarding your childs napping or nighttime sleeping habits, keep both your and your childs personal style in mind.� Youve done the legwork, youve experimented, and youve learned together what works and what doesnt work.� The cues should come from your instincts regarding your child and from your child directly.� Theres no such thing as a hard-and-fast rule for sleep habits among children other than it is needed! As your child grows, his cues may change, but as long as you stay in tune with him, his sleep habits shouldnt have to suffer as a result. And neither should yours.
Parenting: Avoid Stimulating Your Baby during Night-time Feedings
Thursday, June 18th, 2009As your newborn baby grows, it is slowly acclimating to sleeping at night and being awake during the day. Also, as baby’s stomach is growing and holding more breast milk or formula, it will be able to go for longer periods between feedings at night.� At approximately three months of age your baby will likely sleep about 15 hours out of each 24-hour period, and two thirds of that sleep will take place during the night. Most babies will have settled into a daily sleep routine of two or three sleep periods during the day, followed by “sleeping through the night” for 6 to 7 hours after a late-night feeding.
You can help adjust your baby’s body clock toward sleeping at night by avoiding stimulation during nighttime feedings and diaper changes. The act of breastfeeding itself provides frequent eye and voice contact, so try to keep the lights low and resist the urge to play or talk with your baby. This will reinforce the message that nighttime is for sleeping. Keeping the door closed to keep out well-meaning but vocal older children, spouses and pet will also keep reduce stimulating your infant. Avoid the use of musical mobiles or toys as a way to lull your infant back to sleep after night-time feedings.� This will also help to reinforce that nighttime is for sleeping.�
And, as with adults, overly tired infants often have more trouble sleeping than those who’ve had an appropriate amount of sleep during the day. So, keeping your baby up thinking that he or she will sleep better at night may not work. You may find that when your infant sleeps at regular intervals during the day, it will be easier to put them back down to sleep after night-time feedings.
Parenting: Making a Schedule
Monday, June 1st, 2009Parenting: A Few Tidbits for Parenting
Thursday, May 14th, 2009New parents face many problems and issues that they are expected to understand and deal with immediately.� Unfortunately, newborns do not come with an instruction book so here are a few topics that you may need to know about.�
* Bathing your baby:� Until your babys umbilical cord falls off one to two weeks after their birth, only give her sponge baths.� A cotton ball or cotton swab dampened with alcohol can help to dry the umbilical stump or follow your pediatricians directions.� After the stump falls off, you can give him a bath in a sink or shallow tub.�
* Caesarian delivery:� A caesarian is usually performed to make delivery safer for you or your baby.� C-sections can be done for many different reasons including stalled labor, complicated labor, problems with the baby that may make delivery difficult, or other problems.� It does not matter if you deliver vaginally or by a caesarian section, you are still a mother with a beautiful new blessing.���
* Circumcision:� Many doctors agree that there may be some benefit to circumcision, but it may not be absolutely necessary.� It may help to lower the risk of urinary tract infections and eliminates just about any chance of penile cancer.� Circumcision does not cause long-term emotional problems for your child.�
* Crib death (SIDS):� Many studies have been done regarding SIDS.� Although the cause of SIDS has not been definitely defined, there are some correlations that have been made between SIDS and the following things:�
o Male babies are more likely to die from SIDS than females
o Prematurity makes it more likely
o Minority children are affected by it more often than non-minorities
o More children of young, single mothers die from it
o Children who live in a home with one or more smokers are more likely to be affected
Some people say that sleeping with your baby can reduce the risk of SIDS, but the American Academy of Pediatrics disagree with this statement and go on to say that there is a greater risk of SIDS in babies who co-sleep.�
Back sleeping is what most pediatricians recommend for babies to decrease the SIDS risk.� The reason for this is widely debated between health experts.� If you have concerns, talk to your pediatrician.�