Posts Tagged ‘late’

« Older Entries

Late Life Love: Your Aging Parents & Their Relationship Choices

Friday, April 17th, 2009

When it comes to your aging or elderly parents and their relationship choices, do you think of yourself as:

* Enlightened?; or,

* At least, moderately cool?; or,

* How about, somewhat willing to give the benefit of the doubt even though you’re all scrunched up inside at the very thought that they – your beloved, getting older by the moment – parents would do what you believe they’re up to?; or

* Totally shut down, do not mention that in my presence, unwilling to consider the options?

Interesting, isn’t it? We pass judgement on our parents even though we totally hate the thought of them passing judgement on us for the same sorts of things. Talk about a double standard!

But, you have to admit that by our midlife perspectives, some things are tougher for us to imagine our parents doing than to imagine ourselves pulling off.

Things like ……………… sex.

Things like ………………. having a perfectly healthy relationship with a member of the opposite gender after losing a spouse.

Things like ………………. falling in love with someone we (their children) neither know nor approve.

Did I mention things like sex?!

Of course, who do we think we are to be sticking our midlife noses into their private lives? Why, we’re their kids damn it! We have a stake in this! Shouldn’t we/you have first right of refusal?!

You’re so funny.

Let’s think about this for a moment:

- I’m not talking about extra-marital stuff here. However, if your parent has lost a spouse (i.e., you’ve lost one of your parents), they spent how many years loving – or at least tolerating – the emptiness can be incredible.

- You have your own life. Yes, you feel the loss and the hurt, but for the most part you have your own family or involvements. Remember how busy you always say you are when those same getting older by the minute parents ask for a little of your time? Umhmm, that.

- Are you really so selfish that you feel you’ve any business denying your remaining parent happiness? How would you feel if they did that to you? And, even if they did do that to you . . . didn’t you learn anything from the experience?!

- Do I note a little fear that you might have to start sharing what you thought was yours alone (i.e., your parent) with someone else (i.e., that other person)?

- Even worse, what about your inheritance?! You don’t really believe your parents’ things are owed to you, do you? And then having to share, or even worse, to sacrifice your “rightful belongings” to your parent’s happiness or some such. Oh come now.

I see your point.

No, actually, I don’t.

You know, relationships are strange and amazing things no matter what the ages of the participants. We get so caught up in how things ought to be done in our narrow little view of the world, that we forget we aren’t the only ones living in that world. If that’s how you’ve been living your life, come out from under your rock. Try breathing a little!

If nothing else, consider how you would want to be treated given similar circumstances a few years down the road. Or, think of how you might have preferred being treated when you were younger – if your choice wasn’t your parents’ choice – and respond through that learning.

Your parents, no matter what their ages, are adults. In fact, they were adults before you even arrived on the scene! That means they’ve seen more, felt more, and lost far more than you my friend. They’re survivors. Now, just because you don’t necessarily approve of some of the choices they’ve made to survive and perhaps even to thrive – in life’s second half, so be it.

And if one of those choices involves “love”, who are you to stand in the way . . unless, of course, there are some serious physical, emotional, psychological issues going on . . which are actually not as common as you might want to imagine? As I said, relationships are strange and amazing things. And, they keep us young at heart. Now, that’s healthy!

You know, a friend of mine wrote a book a couple years ago that focuses on just this sort of thing: Late Life Love: Romance & New Relationships in Later Years by Connie Goldman is a godsend of a book to adult children and their aging parents as well. It consists of a series of interviews with 22 couples who have connected and discovered romance – of varying sorts – in their later years.

If you’re having a tough time coming to terms with your aging parents’ “choices of the heart” get your hands on this book and sit down for some real learning. You owe it to yourself. Heaven forbid, you owe it to your parents!

Just do it . . . if for no other reason than to give yourself hope that aging isn’t a dead end. (Of course, most dead ends are turns in a direction we hadn’t anticipated. But, they can be a little scary while we’re trying to figure them out). Just like growing older can be scary, and falling in love can be scary, and living life to the fullest can be the scariest of all.

Get the book. Give your aging parents a break, and a little credit. AndBusiness Management Articles, keep growing my friend!

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Family | No Comments »

Late Divorces and Adult Children

Sunday, January 11th, 2009

Many young adults can not only accept their parents’ divorce but much suffer from emotional and psychological stresses. They are affected by late divorces even more than kids are, because they understand they will not have a complete family any more. Among emotional and psychological stresses which affect young adults the deepest ones are the following: anger because of loss of ideal-family illusion, feeling of abandoned child who one of the parents do not want to care of any more, disappointment and unbelief in long-term relationships between men and women, extreme behavior to either draw parents’ attention to them or show their disagreement with parents’ decision; devaluation of morals which have been valued before.

Such strong negative emotions will inevitably affect young adults future life and decisions. Unhappy family model will ‘help’ to believe there is no any reason to create a family in a future because all men (women) are ‘betrayers’.

Another poor affect, which most occurs among young adult children rather than kids, is inevitable weakening in relations with either mother or father. Usually the weakened relationships happen between daughter and father, son and mother. It can be explained by the most popular motive of divorce initiation: end of physical attraction and sexual desire. Young adult children can accept all people have to change their partners through life, but they cannot accept this would happen to their parents! Therefore, a daughter cannot excuse her father’s desire to have another woman and a son would accuse his mother of adultery. 

Although so strong affects overwhelm young adults’ behavior, emotions, motives and desires the adult children have still willingness to restore their family harmony and they initiate some actions which, they think, would help to re-connect their parents. The most popular and accepted ideas include: increased financial aid demand from both parents (such demands would show the both parents’ guilt), decreased assistance or full refusal to help mother/father with their home/family duties (if there is no family its duties have no any values any more).

The psychological aspect mostly includes the human nature resistance to accept changes. The ability to be changeable is usually experienced through adult life (different works, new people, travelingScience Articles, relationships and work stresses etc.). Inexperienced young adult children are not able to accept the complete change in their lives especially if they are not ready to them (the parents’ decision to divorce has been a full surprise). Here parents are mistakenly sure their adult children would accept their final decision and they should not be involved in parents’ bad relationships discussion. Adult children must have a right to be respected through sincere discussion and explanation of what is happening to their parents’ relationships. Sometimes children’s involvement into divorce discussion helps to turn the discussion into the new and unexpected decision.

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Family | No Comments »

Shop Late and Alone to Save Time and Money

Friday, December 19th, 2008

If you want to save money on your grocery budget, be sure to leave the children at home and if you want to get through the aisles faster, try shopping late at night.

It might sound crazy to you but really think about it.  Wouldn’t it be a nice treat to get out of the house for an hour or so in the evening?   Just you and your shopping list without a ‘Mommy I need you!’ in ear shot.

If there’s one thing that is sure to put me in a sour mood, it’s waiting in a line at the store!   I can’t stand looking at the long row of empty check outs that I could be waltzing through if there were only more cashiers on duty!  Shopping late cures that, I never have to wait my turn for anything.

If hubby isn’t thrilled at the prospect of getting the kids off to bed on his own, show him how your late night foraging is going to save the family budget a lot of dough.  

First of all, taking the kids with you to the store almost always ends up costing you more money.   Whether it’s candy and pop at the check out or all the ‘Momma, we have to have this!’ items that they beg for while wandering the store – all those extras add up.  When it’s just youPsychology Articles, you’re more likely to stick to your list.

It’s my experience that shopping with kids in tow will cause me to spend an average of $15 a week more on groceries.  That’s $60 a month and over $700 in a year.   Offer to funnel the extra cash into a family vacation fund.   That ought to go over well. When the kids ask why you don’t take them shopping anymore you can just tell them you’d rather take them to Disney World. 

Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in Family | No Comments »

Late Night Adventures with Your Children

Friday, August 22nd, 2008

Vacations are fun ! Weekends with the family are nice. But, Late Night Adventures are “simply marvelous”. If you really want to shine in your child’s eyes on a more regular basis– try some late night adventures with them.

By late night I am talking about adventures that start from 10pm on.
Shouldn’t kids be in bed at that time? — yes
Shouldn’t parents keep structure? — yes
Don’t parents need to set an example? — yes
Aren’t kids only young once? — YES and that is the point.

Take time to be magical in your child’s eyes. I applaud organized, structured family systems. I think it can be quite difficult for many families today that are over worked, tapped out, and stretched as far as time will allow for cramming in activities. Yet, since your kids are only young once– why not give it a shot and build a couple memories as the coolest parent on the block.

Here are a couple ideas that won’t take up much time or money but go a long way with kids:
** Wake up and watch a lightening / thunder storm at 11pm
** Grab a skateboard and hit the pavement at 1am
** During a snow freeze on the driveway and street out front– ice skate in athletic shoes at 2 am
** Go to bed early and make a run for Denny’s at 3 am
** Watch the sun rise together while eating Krispy Kreme donuts and drinking milk at 6 am
(or even add homemade fortune cookies so you both have something cool to open up with a positive outlook pronounced on your day ahead)

The difference with about late night adventures with your children vs. weekends or vacations is simply that late night adventures are novelty, costing less money and more quality attention. Your kid will be the envy of the other kids– because what other parent do you know that does these things?! Believe me, the kids in our neighborhood still can’t get over some of the things my son tells them we do. In fact, they want to come along.

Every now and then, go on and forget about the adult in you and join your child in being a kid. Regain your sense of wonder and enchantment. Throw rules to the wind and have some innocent fun. If you do, I promise you will shine in their eyes and fill both your hearts with rich memories that will last your life time.

Until next time— all the bestFree Web Content,
Kate

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Family | No Comments »

Save your Child Before it is Too Late: the Butterfly Rule

Monday, June 30th, 2008

Most of us carry childhood traumas made acute with the rise in child psychology. This has resulted in us trying to become the friends of our children, but not just that. We try to do everything for them under the excuse that our parents did not do these things for us. But is this the right way to bring up our children.

What is the Butterfly System?

Fact:

Most know that the butterfly is a transformation of a caterpillar which itself comes from an egg. But, did you know that for the caterpillar to become a butterfly it has to form a cocoon. When it turns into a butterfly, it has to struggle to open the cocoon, and it takes them hours to manage to break that open. Once they do, they emerge, spread their wings and fly off.

Hypothesis:

If you try and cut open the cocoon to help the butterfly emerge, you will destroy it. It will be too weak to fly. So, even if you put it in front of you and even if its in your power to cut the cocoon open, you won’t because you are thinking about the best interests of the butterfly.

Lesson:

Just like you would leave the butterfly trapped inside the cocoon, you have to learn how to let your children fight through life by themselves. Yes, at first, they will not succeed, and may even fail badly. You will want to help them. You might even know how to help them. But, please, do not!

The Toughest Part:

The lesson is easily understood, but it is very difficult to start acting like that. We, as parents, have to realize that our duty is not to have fun with them or to ensure that they succeed, but to guide them so that they learn how to succeed.

Lessons for the Future:

We have to start goading our kids to success. Yes, we all love it when our kids do well, but its more important that they learn how to succeed even if that means that they fail again and again. Sometimes, the kids do well. That is great, but again, we have to watch how they do it. If they cheat, its our duty to guide them.

This might seem trivial, but how many times have you helped your child do his or her homework or class project just so that they will get a good grade. Is that what parenting is all about? Good grades and tons of awards in the closet? No!

Remember that if your children do not learn how to succeed when they are young, they will not pick it up as they grow older.

What to Remember:

Answer the following for me: Do you want your child to do well now? Or do you want your child to succeed when he grows up? Remember that you have to choose one. If you are lucky you might get both, but what I am saying is that you have to focus your parenting on one goal only.

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Parenting | No Comments »

How to Prevent and Stop Bullying Before it is Too Late

Sunday, June 22nd, 2008

Bullying has become a common problem among children. Victims of bullying are unable to find out way to stop becoming subjects to this vice. This is the reason that most adults are finding out ways to prevent bullying. There may be several reasons that encourage children to bully their peers.

The worst part is that bullying cases can vary in severity. Experts feel that bullying must be handled carefully & quickly. They also believe that it is easier to prevent it than to cease it once it has begun.

Bullying usually occurs in isolated areas or places where there is no supervision. Hence, it would be wise to ask your kids not to move around alone during recess or other free classes in school. Ask your child to make friends. Bullying usually occurs when the child is all alone. Ignoring a bullying act may be the best way to prevent further bullying because bullies always seek reaction from the victim & enjoy it.

Teach your child to demonstrate confidence & strength. Most of the bullying occurs because the bullies are sure that the victim is timid or not confident. It is important to avoid crying. Crying or getting disturbed is a kind of enjoyment for the bullies & they try to get more fun out of a victim that becomes upset with their actions.

Another important thing is to teach your child to respond to bullying. He or she should also develop a good self image. This will make it easier for them to prevent bullying. Let your child understand that bullying has occurred due to no fault of his or her. Let him no that accepting bullying is bad if he is targeted.

Here are some great tips coming from experts to prevent bullying:

a) Encourage your child to tell

Your child should come and tell you as soon as he gets bullied. Develop a strong bond with your child. This will encourage your child to confide in you & tell you the problem he faces in school & outside.

b) Let your child trust his teacher

Your child must trust his teacher or principal. He should inform them of anything bad that happens to him. This will help the authorities to keep an eye on certain bad activities happening inside the school & campus.

c) Demonstrate confidence

It is important to demonstrate confidence. Ask your child to be confident enough to take bullying in his stride. A confident child is not an easy target.

d) Make friends

Encourage your child to develop a strong bond of friendship with his classmates & peers of his age group. This also means that the friends should stand up for each other & be together through thick & thin.

e) How to respond

Let your child know how to respond when bullied. He should say nothing & walk away from the spot. Another way to respond in an even & firm way.

f) Avoid unsupervised areas

The child should avoid walking through unsupervised areas. He should never be alone. Let him walk through a crowded place or walk together with friends when passing through an unsupervised area.

g) Praise your child

Praising your child will raise his self esteem & give a high to his self-confidence. Remember, a confident child is less likely to be bullied.

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Parenting | No Comments »

Premature Babies – is to Early to Late

Saturday, June 7th, 2008

If every expectant mother were to know that their baby had made plans to arrive earlier than expected then word has it that all pregnant women would be prepared and ready for the arrival of the premature baby. Unfortunately the word premature means just that – earlier than expected with no guideline to times or dates.

We all have faith in our doctor and trust that the due dates he or she gives for the birth of our babies is 100% accurate. So you can understand why a premature birth can come as a surprise or shock for the pregnant woman. It is at a time like this where some confused women question the GPs prognosis. Believe me when I say doctors are never far wrong in their calculations, but alas, they hold no crystal ball to foresee or predict that there is a premature baby on the way.

Premature babies need a lot of care and attention after leaving the womb so this is why we give thanks to the world of modern technology and to all the life saving masters in the medical profession that nurture our before-time babies with their knowledge, thus increasing the odds for their survival. Hospitals today are well equipped to deal with emergencies like early births. The welfare of the premature baby is first and foremost in all hospital maternity wards.

The reasons given behind why a woman may go into labour earlier than anticipated are all health related factors e.g. smoking-poor diet-infections-twins-cervical ineptitude and other conditions that can be life threatening such as pre-eclampsia. All of these can speed up the process where premature baby births are likely.

Premature births can cause problems for the new born baby where their ability to breathe properly is hampered by under developed lungs.

Babies delivered earlier than 32 weeks and weighing approx 3lb 5oz are normally born with under developed lungs which cannot conceal surfactant, a kind of frothy matter that holds back the inner surfaces of the lungs from sticking together and because of this the infant may experience severe breathing problems – Respiratory distress syndrome otherwise known as RDS.

Depending on how early the baby is born the more prone they are to suffer from RDS.

Birthing after the thirty second week then this condition is less of a problem. If doctors feel you are at high risk of going into labour sooner than your due date then a course of injections/injection can be administered to help strengthen your unborn babys lungs.

A premature babys immune system is not fully developed so therefore makes them more vulnerable to infections. Early babies usually develop a touch of jaundice due to an immature liver which is treatable by doctors with the medical aid of phototherapy lamps.

Babies born at 22-23 weeks have a 24 per cent chance of survival, at 24 weeks this rises to 31 per cent. Premature babies delivered at 25 weeks then their chances are increased by 50 per cent and from 32 weeks onwards most babies can survive without medical assistance.

During your pregnancy make sure to ease up on your intake or cut out things that are considered to bring on a premature birth. Pregnant women can become stressed throughout pregnancy (not all) which is not good for your health and that of your unborn child. A great option for you to consider in helping to combat stress is to take up Yoga. This type of exercise will help you relax before and after the birth. Yoga has proven to be very comforting for women. Before any form of exercise always consult your doctor

Premature babies can grow up as healthy as any other infant. November the 12th 1987 was the due date given to me by my doctor but my little boy decided to break the rules and made his appearance on September 23rd weighing in at 3lb 12 oz. My premature baby is now a strapping 6ft 2 mathematician.

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Parenting | No Comments »

The Risks of a Late Pregnancy

Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008

Delayed motherhood is becoming very common as women are getting more career-oriented, but one must know that the risks of a late pregnancy are linked to both the mother and the child. A middle aged woman finds bearing her pregnancy difficult, and later on caring for the child gets tiring for her. One must be on the lookout for early symptoms after the age of 35, because of the increased risks attached. The chances of complications during pregnancy nearly double from 10.37 percent for women in the age group 20-29 years to more than 23 percent for women in the age group of 35-39 years.

Let Us Have A Look At The Risks Linked With A Late Pregnancy โ€“

  • Genetic diseases are more common in late pregnancies. The probability that your baby will get Downโ€™s syndrome or Patauโ€™s syndrome or other chromosomal abnormalities gets very high if you conceive after the age of 40. In many such cases, one might have to terminate the pregnancy, after conducting screening tests.

  • Late mothers suffer from fibroids, diabetes and high blood pressure. Moreover, since their skin loses its elasticity due to their age, it may affect the mother later on.

  • Women with a belatedly pregnancy are also at a higher risk of developing breast cancer. Other associated risks are miscarriages, stillbirths and an increased risk of death of the mother after labor.

  • The duration of labor is longer in case of delayed pregnancy and you are also at an increased risk of giving birth to twins or triplets. Many ladies need to be given induced labor. The rate of caesarean section as well as forceps delivery also increases.

  • Preeclampsia (very high blood pressure) is a significant risk of a late pregnancy. It can lead to seizures, renal and liver complications, even leading to death of the mother. Babies of such mothers are premature or with stunted growth, and later on face problems in social adjustment.

  • Fetal growth restriction or what can simply be stated as an undernourished baby occurs due to placenta problems (low lying placenta) in older women. This inhibits the passage of nutrition to the fetus. In the long run, such a baby suffers from heart problems, high blood pressure, diabetes and many more health problems.

  • Another risk associated with it is a premature baby caused due to instant preterm labor, which can lead to death of both the baby and the mother. Premature babies have other growth problems in the afterward stages of their life.

    • At present, there is no kind of screening test that can detect which late pregnancies will develop such type of complications. The best way out is to go in for regular prenatal tests with a doctor. Although, many problems crop up suddenly, but at least they can be detected early, and the risk of further severe complications can be cut down if not eliminated.

    Doctors advise that the best age for bearing a child is before you turn 33 years, so that you can safely avoid the risks related to it. However if for certain unavoidable reasons you are a late mother then go in for pregnancy tests that might help assess your risks for probable diseases. Besides, precautions may also help you cut down on the risks associated with a late pregnancy period.

    Tags: , ,
    Posted in Pregnancy | No Comments »

    You are not Alone! Late Pregnancy is Common Now

    Sunday, May 25th, 2008

    Late pregnancy is quite common nowadays. Perhaps you too have looked up this page because you are pregnant and have already crossed that right age. You are not alone. Be well informed on all aspects. Equip yourself to take up late motherhood in a dignified and mature way.

    Late Pregnancy On The Rise Why?

    Biologically, age between 20- 24 years is ideal for pregnancies. Advances in medical sciences coupled with changing socio-economic priorities have led to an increase in the late pregnancy rate. Statistics show that for the last 15 years the number of women who gave birth for the first time in the age group of 30-39 years has become double. It is not rare any more to find women with pregnancy after 40.

    This trend is growing due to many reasons. Women these days delay pregnancy in pursuit of education and career. Late marriage, divorce and remarriage come up as another reason. Availability of successful infertility treatments makes it possible for women to get treated and enjoy motherhood even though it may be late. Chronic diseases and their treatment also lead to delayed pregnancies. It doesnโ€™t matter what your personal reason is. Once you notice any late pregnancy symptom, observe carefully and consult your doctor without any hesitation. Follow the advice of the doctor and do the pregnancy test, as required.

    Are There Any Risks And Difficulties Involved?

    Yes, there are risks for the very simple reason that the reproductive capacity reduces gradually after 35. But being knowledgeable about the general risks and difficulties will help you to minimize the risk of a late pregnancy. These are summarized here just for you. Take time to go through them.

  • It takes a longer period to conceive- about 6-12 months
  • Increased occurrence of fibroid related problems
  • The probability of giving birth to a baby with Down syndrome increases with age
  • Likelihood of complications due to diabetes and blood pressure in the mother
  • Abruption of placenta and pathologic condition of fetus needing surgical intervention with serious side-effects
  • Increased risk of miscarriage
  • Delivery can be complicated and prolonged. Generally a Cesarean section is advised

    There are some coping up difficulties also associated with a late pregnancy. Once the baby arrives, you may find your organized life upset. You may not be able to cope up with the demands of baby care and further upbringing. So be prepared for a total change in your routine and priorities. On the other extreme, you may be tempted to pamper and spoil your child. Further, many a times, an older mother may have to double up as a nurse to her aging parents.

    There Are Advantages Too!

    Late pregnancy has its own advantages too. An older woman has waited for so long for motherhood. She considers it as blessing rather than a burden. She has probably achieved her career goals and is ready to devote time for the baby. She is more at peace with herself.

    We recommend that you gain further insight into the various issues from the many good books and articles on the subject.

    A wish comes true! You are going to be a mother at last. What if it is a late pregnancy!

    • Tags: , , ,
    Posted in Pregnancy | No Comments »

    Pregnancy After 40 – Itโ€™s Never Too Late

    Sunday, May 25th, 2008

    Pregnancy after 40 can be very difficult, as a woman becomes less fertile at this age and chances of miscarriage increase manifold. She also runs a higher risk of getting problems like gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, premature delivery or a c-section. Even the chances of the baby having birth defects or chromosomal imbalance are higher.

    Preparing To Get Pregnant

    As an over 40 woman, you may have to make some extra efforts to conceive or get pregnant. Getting pregnant after 40 does not come that easily, as men and women have lower fertility. So, if you plan yourself for this beautiful change in your life, you will achieve success more easily and quickly. The preparations you make will signal your body that you are preparing it for a special change. Follow certain Doโ€™s and Donโ€™ts to make conception easier.

  • Avoid all types of physical and mental stress at home or work. Stay calm and relaxed.
  • Make dietary changes and switch to a healthy diet full of anti-oxidants. Ask your obstetrician for any vitamin supplements that you may require.
  • Indulge in exercises and meditation.
  • Have a positive attitude and look forward to the good news.
  • Use pregnancy wheel to calculate the best time for your delivery and accordingly plan yourself.

    Special Checks To Detect Problems

    Various pre natal tests are performed at different stages. These investigations are performed, besides other regular tests during pregnancy like the urine tests, blood tests, blood-pressure checks etc. As a pregnant woman over 40, you will be asked to take test for Amniocentesis and Chronic Villus Sampling (CVS). The test on fetus to rule out any genetic or chromosomal defects before birth is also performed.

    These tests assure that everything is well with you and the positive feeling helps you stay and feel healthier. On the other hand, if a problem is diagnosed with the mother or the baby, immediate remedial actions can be taken. However, there is no surety of these tests being completely correct and hence there can always be a bit of uncertainty with pregnancy after 40.

    Staying `In the Pinkโ€™

    So, if you are getting pregnant over 40, take care of certain simple things, and make your pregnancy extremely vigorous. Rest as much as possible, drink lots of water, eat a healthy and balanced diet and keep a watch on your weight.

    But, at the same time, it is mere caution and overflow of research that highlights the difficulties faced during this period. Each pregnancy is different, pertaining to the vast difference in metabolism in each human being. So, getting pregnanct over 40 may well be as normal as any other pregnancy. It might as well result in a perfectly normal delivery as well, and that is not a miracle. But paying caution and making use of available resources to detect problems can go a long way in making your pregnancy after 40, absolutely healthy and full of excitement.

    • Tags: , , , ,
    Posted in Pregnancy | No Comments »

    « Older Entries