A Cancer child can be independent from a young age, often playing alone for hours and inventing invisible playmates. Cancer babies are fascinated by colors and pictures, and they love the different tastes of delicious foods and drinks. Cancer children need to be hugged and loved and they thrive when encouraged. A Cancer baby will change moods frequently and will withdraw themselves if they suffer any kind of rejection. Young Cancer children are quite capable of using tears to get what they want and Cancer babies have a reputation for crying a lot.

However, Cancerians are delightful and fascinating children whose changing moods are shown on their faces. They are imaginative and will thrive when given a lot of warmth and attention. Your Cancer child will be easy to manage and discipline and will be well-mannered. Most Cancerians prefer to be the leader rather than to follow.

When raising a Cancer child you will need to give constant reassurance when she is fearful, which is likely to be often. These children are very sensitive to emotional hurts and rejections and will need your support to ensure that they do not feel unloved. The danger is that they may withdraw into themselves for self-protection.

You should encourage your child to express emotions in poetry, painting, music, acting or any other creative activity. Parents will need to find a compromise between being too firm and spoiling your child.

Cancerians are unlikely to complain when they are ill. Typical illnesses involve the upper digestive track – the stomach.

We finally seem to get parenting techniques that work with the first child only to find out that they don’t work with the next child. Why can kids be born with instructions? Good news! When you understand your children’s perceptual styles, you’ll discover that they are born with an “instruction manual.”
Each of us is a unique combination of the Four Perceptions: Audio, Feeler, Visual, and Wholistic. When children are born, they are 100% Feelers. Although they will continue to have sensitive feelings during their formative years, their primary Perception will begin to reveal itself when they’re about six months old.
The following true story reveals how differently it unfolds based on the perceptual style of the child. Some of the mother’s actions led to discouraging results while others led to more encouraging results.

The principal desire for AUDIO Children is to maintain personal control and a sense of fairness.
I was sitting in the allergist’s office when a woman entered with her four-year-old, Aaron, and his two cousins, Carrie, 13, and Curt, 11. Immediately Aaron started acting silly. His mother told him to sit down and behave. “No!” he shouted and giggled.
He picked up magazines and threw them on the floor. “Pick them up and put them back,” his mother demanded. Aaron hurled them on the table and then noisily started rolling and kicking on the floor.
His mother glared, “Get up and sit down right now!” His seat barely touched the cushion before he was back on the floor again.
Aaron’s mother grabbed his arm and started to take him outside. Instantly he shouted, “No, no!” He had pushed the limits too far, something that Audios will always test.
They went to the toy room where Aaron grabbed a stuffed toy, raced back to the waiting room and threw it up in the air, giggling loudly. His mother was called for her allergy injection so she whispered to the cousins to ignore him.
Carrie said she’d read a book to Aaron. He plopped in a chair and soon started loudly hamming up the story. Carrie closed the book and refused to read.
Aaron turned to Curt who also refused to play with him. When his mother came out, it was time for Aaron’s shot and he impishly said, “No!”
His mother said in a firm voice, “When we get home, we’re having a cookout and then we’re going swimming. If you don’t behave, you will eat in your room and stay there for the rest of the night. The choice is yours.”
The change in Aaron was instantaneous. “I’ll be good.” Quietly, he went to get his allergy injection.
Aaron’s actions were motivated by his desire to maintain personal control. He wanted to show off to his cousins. When his control of the situation was threatened, his emotions drove his reactions and he became defiant.
Every technique his mother tried was appropriate. The one with the most encouraging results allowed Aaron to maintain personal control and he sensed the fairness.

The principal desire for FEELER Children is to please you or not make you angry.
For Feelers, their feelings drive both their actions and reactions. For comparison, here is a summary of the same scenario about Aaron, only this time he’s a Feeler.
Aaron was excited because his cousins were visiting. He started spinning around with his arms outstretched. “Whee-e-e!” he shouted happily. Suddenly he lost his balance and crashed into the corner of the end table. It hurt but he tried not to cry in front of his cousins.
“That’s enough!” his mother glared. “Come over here and sit down right now.”
With his eyes lowered and shoulders hunched, he crept over to the chair in the corner. He drew up his knees and pushed himself into the corner. He rested his head on his knees. Soon he quietly raise his head to wipe away a tear. Then he slid off his chair and walked with his head down over to his mother. As he pulled his shorts down to reveal his bruise, the tears flowed and he whimpered, “I hurt myself.”
“I’m sure it hurts, but it will get better,” she said matter-of-factly. She got up to go get her allergy shot.
Alarmed his mother would leave while still mad at him, Aaron threw his arms around her and said he was sorry. “It’s okay,” she said and smiled. Gratefully he reached for his mother’s hand and they went to get their shots. When they returned, Aaron showed his cousins where he received the allergy injection. “It only hurt a little,” he said proudly.
Carrie asked if he’d like her to read his book while they waited the required 30 minutes. He nodded. As she read, she had her arm around him. He glowed. Then he interrupted to tell her about something that happened in preschool. His face was animated as he enjoyed reliving the incident.
All was right with Aaron’s world. He was pleased with himself and he was pleasing those around him.

The principal desire for Visual Children is for everything to be perfect, just as they visualized it.
Visual children are usually obedient, unless they have to deal with an unexpected change. Then they might resist. Let’s revisit Aaron again but now he’s a Visual child.
Aaron skipped into the small waiting room. He was excited because his cousins were visiting. “Let’s play!” he thought. He leaned against his cousin, Curt, and started pushing on his knees. Curt playfully pushed back Aaron’s shoulders.
Aaron pushed harder. Curt returned the shove a little too hard and Aaron suddenly plopped on the floor. He giggled loudly and started pushing his cousin’s legs with his feet.
“Stop that,” Curt demanded. Aaron pushed again. This was fun!
“Aaron,” his mother said sternly, “Get up and sit down next to me.”
Aaron climbed on to the chair. With his shoulders hunched, he looked down at the floor. He wanedt to play and have fun but now he couldn’t. Humiliation engulfed him. What must his cousins think of him?
When his mother’s name was called, she got up to leave. Aaron quickly slid out of his chair and tearfully ran toward her. She turned and said, “You can stay and Carrie can read to you.”
“But we always go together!” Aaron wailed. His mother stretched out her hand and he gratefully took it.
Aaron playfully tiptoed back into the waiting room. He smiled broadly when his cousins noticed. Carrie asked, “Shall we read your book while we wait?” He nodded. As she read, he began to act out the parts he knew so well.
Visuals are natural actors. Their vivid imaginations expand on the stories, often in humorous ways. Aaron walked around the tiny room like an elephant. Soon he was another animal. Aaron was content in his imaginary world. He wasn’t rowdy and I enjoyed his amusing antics.
Although Aaron’s mother maintained firm discipline, she recognized his need for a creative outlet. When she started to leave without him and he protested, she realized he wanted to do what they usually do, get their shots together. Visuals like routine because they can visualize it.

The principal desire for Wholistic Children is to be treated like an adult.
Since Wholistic children see themselves as adults, usually they are well behaved unless they’re tired, bored or resentful. Then they will cry or whine or become testy.
They’re comfortable with adults and feel resentful when told they can’t do something because they’re not old enough.
How different is Aaron’s story as a Wholistic.
Aaron ran over to the chairs and sat down. He told Curt to sit on one side of him and Carrie on the other. This was something new and fun! He wasn’t just with his mother.
Aaron started talking about the allergy injection. He showed how the nurse squeezes his arm to make a “hill” and then gives him the shot. “That way,” he said boastfully, “it hurts only a little bit.”
Aaron pointed out the children’s books. “I know all of them,” he said. “Would you like one?” he asked Carrie, hopefully. She nodded.
Carrie started reading but it was going too slowly. Aaron was quickly getting bored. “I’ll read,” he said. He took the book and started telling the story. He zipped through t
he book and ran for another one. He continued until all the books were finished.
Aaron’s mother got called to go for her injection. Aaron immediately asked if he could stay with his cousins. She agreed. When it was his turn, he asked Curt to join him.
When they came back, since the books were done, he started talking about whatever came to mind.
As the minutes ticked by, boredom struck. He got off the chair and crawled underneath. “I’m in my cave and if you get too close, I’ll eat you,” he squealed delightedly. He tickled the back of Carrie’s legs. She let out a yell and stood up. Aaron laughed uproariously.
He pushed his head against the back of Curt’s legs. “If you don’t open the door right now, I’ll bite you!” Curt parted his legs and Aaron squirmed through. The game was over.
Restlessness swept over Aaron again and he began to whimper. He heard thunder and perked up. “Can I go see the storm?” he asked. Carrie volunteered to take him outside. The change was instantaneous. He went from looking completely wilted to a happy, bubbly boy, gleefully running to the door.
After a few minutes he burst into the room. “Mommy, you should see the rainbow. Hurry before it goes away!” Ah, the wonderful, exciting world of new things to explore and investigate.
Wholistics are creative and imaginative. At home they can play for a long time by themselves. Their fantasies carry them in many challenging directions and they’re content.
Can you identify your children’s primary perceptual styles from this story?

A Baby’s Reflexes..

A baby is born with certain reflexes to protect them during the first few weeks. These reflexes will disappear after a few weeks and be replaced with voluntary movement during baby’s development.

Doctors will check these reflexes to ensure his central nervous system is working correctly.

Walking Reflex

If you hold baby in an upright position with his feet touching the floor, his legs will seem to be trying to walk. This reflex will last for about 3-4 weeks, and he won’t actually walk until he is around 12 months.

Crawling Reflex

Place baby on his stomach and he will take up a crawling position with his bottom in the air and his legs bent. This lasts for about two months when he will then be able to lie flat.

Search Reflex

Touch baby’s cheek with your finger or breast and he will turn towards the source and open his mouth in search of food. This reflex will last for about 12 weeks.

Grasp Reflex

Place your finger in the palm of baby’s hand and he will grasp it. This involuntary movement will persist for about 3 months.

Sucking Reflex

Put your (clean) finger in baby’s mouth and he will suck on it. This reflex ensures he will be able to feed.

Diving Reflex

If baby is placed in water – either during a water birth or in a swimming pool – his throat will close so that he does not swallow the water. This means that baby will not drown if born in water, and he will also be a natural swimmer. This reflex will last for about 2 months, or longer if you take him swimming.

Babinski’s Reflex

Stroke the sole of baby’s foot and his big toe will curl up and the other toes will spread out. This lasts for about two years.

Birth, according to this school of thought is of no psychological consequence to the newborn baby. It is immeasurably more important to his “primary caregiver” (mother) and to her supporters (read: father and other members of the family). It is through them that the baby is, supposedly, effected. This effect is evident in his (I will use the male form only for convenience’s sake) ability to bond. The late Karl Sagan professed to possess the diametrically opposed view when he compared the process of death to that of being born. He was commenting upon the numerous testimonies of people brought back to life following their confirmed, clinical death. Most of them shared an experience of traversing a dark tunnel. A combination of soft light and soothing voices and the figures of their deceased nearest and dearest awaited them at the end of this tunnel. All those who experienced it described the light as the manifestation of an omnipotent, benevolent being. The tunnel – suggested Sagan – is a rendition of the mother’s tract. The process of birth involves gradual exposure to light and to the figures of humans. Clinical death experiences only recreate birth experiences.

The womb is a self-contained though open (not self-sufficient) ecosystem. The Baby’s Planet is spatially confined, almost devoid of light and homeostatic. The fetus breathes liquid oxygen, rather than the gaseous variant. He is subjected to an unending barrage of noises, most of them rhythmical. Otherwise, there are very few stimuli to elicit any of his fixed action responses. There, dependent and protected, his world lacks the most evident features of ours. There are no dimensions where there is no light. There is no “inside” and “outside”, “self” and “others”, “extension” and “main body”, “here” and “there”. Our Planet is exactly converse. There could be no greater disparity. In this sense – and it is not a restricted sense at all – the baby is an alien. He has to train himself and to learn to become human. Kittens, whose eyes were tied immediately after birth – could not “see” straight lines and kept tumbling over tightly strung cords. Even sense data involve some modicum and modes of conceptualization (see: “Appendix 5 – The Manifold of Sense”).

Even lower animals (worms) avoid unpleasant corners in mazes in the wake of nasty experiences. To suggest that a human neonate, equipped with hundreds of neural cubic feet does not recall migrating from one planet to another, from one extreme to its total opposition – stretches credulity. Babies may be asleep 16-20 hours a day because they are shocked and depressed. These abnormal spans of sleep are more typical of major depressive episodes than of vigorous, vivacious, vibrant growth. Taking into consideration the mind-boggling amounts of information that the baby has to absorb just in order to stay alive – sleeping through most of it seems like an inordinately inane strategy. The baby seems to be awake in the womb more than he is outside it. Cast into the outer light, the baby tries, at first, to ignore reality. This is our first defence line. It stays with us as we grow up.

It has long been noted that pregnancy continues outside the womb. The brain develops and reaches 75% of adult size by the age of 2 years. It is completed only by the age of 10. It takes, therefore, ten years to complete the development of this indispensable organ – almost wholly outside the womb. And this “external pregnancy” is not limited to the brain only. The baby grows by 25 cm and by 6 kilos in the first year alone. He doubles his weight by his fourth month and triples it by his first birthday. The development process is not smooth but by fits and starts. Not only do the parameters of the body change – but its proportions do as well. In the first two years, for instance, the head is larger in order to accommodate the rapid growth of the Central Nervous System. This changes drastically later on as the growth of the head is dwarfed by the growth of the extremities of the body. The transformation is so fundamental, the plasticity of the body so pronounced – that in most likelihood this is the reason why no operative sense of identity emerges until after the fourth year of childhood. It calls to mind Kafka’s Gregor Samsa (who woke up to find that he is a giant cockroach). It is identity shattering. It must engender in the baby a sense of self-estrangement and loss of control over who is and what he is.

The motor development of the baby is heavily influenced both by the lack of sufficient neural equipment and by the ever-changing dimensions and proportions of the body. While all other animal cubs are fully motoric in their first few weeks of life – the human baby is woefully slow and hesitant. The motor development is proximodistal. The baby moves in ever widening concentric circles from itself to the outside world. First the whole arm, grasping, then the useful fingers (especially the thumb and forefinger combination), first batting at random, then reaching accurately. The inflation of its body must give the baby the impression that he is in the process of devouring the world. Right up to his second year the baby tries to assimilate the world through his mouth (which is the prima causa of his own growth). He divides the world into “suckable” and “insuckable” (as well as to “stimuli-generating” and “not generating stimuli”). His mind expands even faster than his body. He must feel that he is all-encompassing, all-inclusive, all-engulfing, all-pervasive. This is why a baby has no object permanence. In other words, a baby finds it hard to believe the existence of other objects if he does not see them (=if they are not IN his eyes). They all exist in his outlandishly exploding mind and only there. The universe cannot accommodate a creature, which doubles itself physically every 4 months as well as objects outside the perimeter of such an inflationary being, the baby “believes”. The inflation of the body has a correlate in the inflation of consciousness. These two processes overwhelm the baby into a passive absorption and inclusion mode.

To assume that the child is born a “tabula rasa” is superstition. Cerebral processes and responses have been observed in utero. Sounds condition the EEG of fetuses. They startle at loud, sudden noises. This means that they can hear and interpret what they hear. Fetuses even remember stories read to them while in the womb. They prefer these stories to others after they are born. This means that they can tell auditory patterns and parameters apart. They tilt their head at the direction sounds are coming from. They do so even in the absence of visual cues (e.g., in a dark room). They can tell the mother’s voice apart (perhaps because it is high pitched and thus recalled by them). In general, babies are tuned to human speech and can distinguish sounds better than adults do. Chinese and Japanese babies react differently to “pa” and to “ba”, to “ra” and to “la”. Adults do not – which is the source of numerous jokes.

The equipment of the newborn is not limited to the auditory. He has clear smell and taste preferences (he likes sweet things a lot). He sees the world in three dimensions with a perspective (a skill which he could not have acquired in the dark womb). Depth perception is well developed by the sixth month of life.

Expectedly, it is vague in the first four months of life. When presented with depth, the baby realizes that something is different – but not what. Babies are born with their eyes open as opposed to most other animal young ones. Moreover, their eyes are immediately fully functional. It is the interpretation mechanism that is lacking and this is why the world looks fuzzy to them. They tend to concentrate on very distant or on very close objects (their own hand getting closer to their face). They see very clearly objects 20-25 cm away. But visual acuity and focusing improve in a matter of days. By the time the baby is 6 to 8 months old, he sees as well as many adults do, though the visual system – from the neurological point of view – is fully developed only at the age of 3 or 4 years. The neonate discerns some colours in the first few days of his life: yellow, red, green, orange, gray – and all of them by the age of four months. He shows clear preferences regarding visual stimuli: he is bored by repeated stimuli and prefers sharp contours and contrasts, big objects to small ones, black and white to coloured (because of the sharper contrast), curved lines to straight ones (this is why babies prefer human faces to abstract paintings). They prefer their mother to strangers. It is not clear how they come to recognize the mother so quickly. To say that they collect mental images which they then arrange into a prototypical scheme is to say nothing (the question is not “what” they do but “how” they do it). This ability is a clue to the complexity of the internal mental world of the neonate, which far exceeds our learned assumptions and theories. It is inconceivable that a human is born with all this exquisite equipment while incapable of experiencing the birth trauma or the even the bigger trauma of his own inflation, mental and physical.

As early as the end of the third month of pregnancy, the fetus moves, his heart beats, his head is enormous relative to his size. His size, though, is less than 3 cm. Ensconced in the placenta, the fetus is fed by substances transmitted through the mother’s blood vessels (he has no contact with her blood, though). The waste that he produces is carried away in the same venue. The composition of the mother’s food and drink, what she inhales and injects – all are communicated to the embryo. There is no clear relationship between sensory inputs during pregnancy and later life development. The levels of maternal hormones do effect the baby’s subsequent physical development but only to a negligible extent. Far more important is the general state of health of the mother, a trauma, or a disease of the fetus. It seems that the mother is less important to the baby than the romantics would have it – and cleverly so. A too strong attachment between mother and fetus would have adversely affected the baby’s chances of survival outside the uterus. Thus, contrary to popular opinion, there is no evidence whatsoever that the mother’s emotional, cognitive, or attitudinal state effects the fetus in any way. The baby is effected by viral infections, obstetric complications, by protein malnutrition and by the mother’s alcoholism. But these – at least in the West – are rare conditions.

In the first three months of the pregnancy, the central nervous system “explodes” both quantitatively and qualitatively. This process is called metaplasia. It is a delicate chain of events, greatly influenced by malnutrition and other kinds of abuse. But this vulnerability does not disappear until the age of 6 years out of the womb. There is a continuum between womb and world. The newborn is almost a very developed kernel of humanity. He is definitely capable of experiencing substantive dimensions of his own birth and subsequent metamorphoses. Neonates can immediately track colours – therefore, they must be immediately able to tell the striking differences between the dark, liquid placenta and the colourful maternity ward. They go after certain light shapes and ignore others. Without accumulating any experience, these skills improve in the first few days of life, which proves that they are inherent and not contingent (learned). They seek patterns selectively because they remember which pattern was the cause of satisfaction in their very brief past. Their reactions to visual, auditory and tactile patterns are very predictable. Therefore, they must possess a MEMORY, however primitive.

But – even granted that babies can sense, remember and, perhaps emote – what is the effect of the multiple traumas they are exposed to in the first few months of their lives?

We mentioned the traumas of birth and of self-inflation (mental and physical). These are the first links in a chain of traumas, which continues throughout the first two years of the baby’s life. Perhaps the most threatening and destabilizing is the trauma of separation and individuation.

The baby’s mother (or caregiver – rarely the father, sometimes another woman) is his auxiliary ego. She is also the world; a guarantor of livable (as opposed to unbearable) life, a (physiological or gestation) rhythm (=predictability), a physical presence and a social stimulus (an other).

To start with, the delivery disrupts continuous physiological processes not only quantitatively but also qualitatively. The neonate has to breathe, to feed, to eliminate waste, to regulate his body temperature – new functions, which were previously performed by the mother. This physiological catastrophe, this schism increases the baby’s dependence on the mother. It is through this bonding that he learns to interact socially and to trust others. The baby’s lack of ability to tell the inside world from the outside only makes matters worse. He “feels” that the upheaval is contained in himself, that the tumult is threatening to tear him apart, he experiences implosion rather than explosion. True, in the absence of evaluative processes, the quality of the baby’s experience will be different to ours. But this does not disqualify it as a PSYCHOLOGICAL process and does not extinguish the subjective dimension of the experience. If a psychological process lacks the evaluative or analytic elements, this lack does not question its existence or its nature. Birth and the subsequent few days must be a truly terrifying experience.

Another argument raised against the trauma thesis is that there is no proof that cruelty, neglect, abuse, torture, or discomfort retard, in any way, the development of the child. A child – it is claimed – takes everything in stride and reacts “naturally” to his environment, however depraved and deprived.

This may be true – but it is irrelevant. It is not the child’s development that we are dealing with here. It is its reactions to a series of existential traumas. That a process or an event has no influence later – does not mean that it has no effect at the moment of occurrence. That it has no influence at the moment of occurrence – does not prove that it has not been fully and accurately registered. That it has not been interpreted at all or that it has been interpreted in a way different from ours – does not imply that it had no effect. In short: there is no connection between experience, interpretation and effect. There can exist an interpreted experience that has no effect. An interpretation can result in an effect without any experience involved. And an experience can effect the subject without any (conscious) interpretation. This means that the baby can experience traumas, cruelty, neglect, abuse and even interpret them as such (i.e., as bad things) and still not be effected by them. Otherwise, how can we explain that a baby cries when confronted by a sudden noise, a sudden light, wet diapers, or hunger? Isn’t this proof that he reacts properly to “bad” things and that there is such a class of things (“bad things”) in his mind?

Moreover, we must attach some epigenetic importance to some of the stimuli. If we do, in effect we recognize the effect of early stimuli upon later life development.

At their beginning, neonates are only vaguely aware, in a binary sort of way.

l. “Comfortable/uncomfortable”, “cold/warm”, “wet/dry”, “colour/absence of colour”, “light/dark”, “face/no face” and so on. There are grounds to believe that the distinction between the outer world and the inner one is vague at best. Natal fixed action patterns (rooting, sucking, postural adjustment, looking, listening, grasping, and crying) invariably provoke the caregiver to respond. The newborn, as we said earlier, is able to relate to physical patterns but his ability seems to extend to the mental as well. He sees a pattern: fixed action followed by the appearance of the caregiver followed by a satisfying action on the part of the caregiver. This seems to him to be an inviolable causal chain (though precious few babies would put it in these words). Because he is unable to distinguish his inside from the outside – the newborn “believes” that his action evoked the caregiver from the inside (in which the caregiver is contained). This is the kernel of both magical thinking and Narcissism. The baby attributes to himself magical powers of omnipotence and of omnipresence (action-appearance). It also loves itself very much because it is able to thus satisfy himself and his needs. He loves himself because he has the means to make himself happy. The tension-relieving and pleasurable world comes to life through the baby and then he swallows it back through his mouth. This incorporation of the world through the sensory modalities is the basis for the “oral stage” in the psychodynamic theories.

This self-containment and self-sufficiency, this lack of recognition of the environment are why children until their third year of life are such a homogeneous group (allowing for some variance). Infants show a characteristic style of behaviour (one is almost tempted to say, a universal character) in as early as the first few weeks of their lives. The first two years of life witness the crystallization of consistent behavioural patterns, common to all children. It is true that even newborns have an innate temperament but not until an interaction with the outside environment is established – do the traits of individual diversity appear.

At birth, the newborn shows no attachment but simple dependence. It is easy to prove: the child indiscriminately reacts to human signals, scans for patterns and motions, enjoys soft, high pitched voices and cooing, soothing sounds. Attachment starts physiologically in the fourth week. The child turns clearly towards his mother’s voice, ignoring others. He begins to develop a social smile, which is easily distinguishable from his usual grimace. A virtuous circle is set in motion by the child’s smiles, gurgles and coos. These powerful signals release social behaviour, elicit attention, loving responses. This, in turn, drives the child to increase the dose of his signaling activity. These signals are, of course, reflexes (fixed action responses, exactly like the palmar grasp). Actually, until the 18th week of his life, the child continues to react to strangers favourably. Only then does the child begin to develop a budding social-behavioural system based on the high correlation between the presence of his caregiver and gratifying experiences. By the third month there is a clear preference of the mother and by the sixth month, the child wants to venture into the world. At first, the child grasps things (as long as he can see his hand). Then he sits up and watches things in motion (if not too fast or noisy). Then the child clings to the mother, climbs all over her and explores her body. There is still no object permanence and the child gets perplexed and loses interest if a toy disappears under a blanket, for instance. The child still associates objects with satisfaction/non-satisfaction. His world is still very much binary.

As the child grows, his attention narrows and is dedicated first to the mother and to a few other human figures and, by the age of 9 months, only to the mother. The tendency to seek others virtually disappears (which is reminiscent of imprinting in animals). The infant tends to equate his movements and gestures with their results – that is, he is still in the phase of magical thinking.

The separation from the mother, the formation of an individual, the separation from the world (the “spewing out” of the outside world) – are all tremendously traumatic.

The infant is afraid to lose his mother physically (no “mother permanence”) as well as emotionally (will she be angry at this new found autonomy?). He goes away a step or two and runs back to receive the mother’s reassurance that she still loves him and that she is still there. The tearing up of one’s self into my SELF and the OUTSIDE WORLD is an unimaginable feat. It is equivalent to discovering irrefutable proof that the universe is an illusion created by the brain or that our brain belongs to a universal pool and not to us, or that we are God (the child discovers that he is not God, it is a discovery of the same magnitude). The child’s mind is shredded to pieces: some pieces are still HE and others are NOT HE (=the outside world). This is an absolutely psychedelic experience (and the root of all psychoses, probably).

If not managed properly, if disturbed in some way (mainly emotionally), if the separation – individuation process goes awry, it could result in serious psychopathologies. There are grounds to believe that several personality disorders (Narcissistic and Borderline) can be traced to a disturbance in this process in early childhood.

Then, of course, there is the on-going traumatic process that we call “life”.

When you are pregnant the classes will focus on several main topics, pregnancy, labour, birth, feeding your baby, your babies sleep and how to hold your baby. But if you are not used to holding a new born, the idea of dressing them and getting their curled up arms and legs into clothes can seem daunting. It is always OK to ask your midwife for help, but here are a few guide lines to take some of the worry about hurting your baby out of dressing him or her.

Firstly don’t panic, babies look fragile, but they do not break easily. If your baby is hungry, feed them before dressing the baby, it is always easier to dress a calm baby. Newborns needs are simple, they need to be warm, fed and loved. Loved, well, that comes from inside and will grow all the time. Fed, we hope you will breast feed, but bottle feeding is a safe and acceptable way to feed you baby too. Warm – it doesn’t really matter too much what time of year your baby is being born, the clothes will be basically the same. Take simple clothes to the hospital, there will be plenty of time at home to put on all the pretty clothes and let your visitors see them.

You will probably dress you baby in a vest and a baby grow when at hospital. The easiest vests to put on a new born and the least fiddly for a new mum are the ones with envelope necks, and popper fastenings at the bottom. If you have never dressed a baby before, this is the easiest way to put it on. Unpopper the vest at the bottom, scrunch up the back and the front and open up the envelope neck – you now have a circular opening for the head and the rest of the vest pulled up. Place the baby on the vest so that the back of its head is in the circular opening and the back is under the neck. Now, hold onto the scrunched up front and with your fingers through the neck opening use one movement to pull the front of the vest over the baby’s head, now the whole vest is around the neck. Gently push the baby’s arms through the arm holes and roll the baby onto its side, pull down the back, roll it back onto its back, pull down the front. Popper up under the nappy and you are done. It may sound fiddly, but this is the best way as the baby does not get tangled in the clothes, and you never have to entirely lift the baby. Also as the baby starts to focus you will find that you can maintain eye contact when you are dressing him/her which will help to keep the baby calm. Then you just need to put a baby grow on top. This is simple, undo the baby grow and place it flat on the surface, place your baby on top and then gently push the arms and legs through and popper up the front. The easiest baby grows to put on are ones which popper all the way up the front and down both legs. If you can get hold of the baby grows with built in scratch mitts this will reduce the amount which you baby scratches his face in his sleep, and is far easier than trying to keep scratch mitts on a baby!

Finally when you leave the hospital you will need an outer layer, usually a baby hat made of soft cotton and a snuggle suit. When putting on the hat, put it under the head and then pull forward, a newborns neck is weak and trying to put it on from front to back is difficult. Put the snuggle suit on in exactly the same way as you would the baby grow.

Your little bundle is now dressed and ready to meet the world

Stores abound with multiple baby gifts and tokens. We have also to contend with numerous brands who promise the best of joy and comfort for the little darlings. But choosing the right gift can be confusing as it has to be something special and extraordinary and at the same time comfortable for tender bodies. Baby blanket is a wonderful item that can offer cozy comfort babies love. And among the several options fleece baby blanket is a popular choice.

Fleece baby blanket is made of soft wool fibers to keep the baby warm. These good quality fleece blanket do not shrink or get faded. These are available in different sizes and colors and even come in various designs, with the babyโ€™s name and birth date embroidered in them.

There are different kinds of blankets to choose from and for different ages and sizes. These include the small baby blanket, long blanket, personalized blanket among others. The size depends on the age of the baby. The blanket is often used as a baby wrap. Therefore, the length should be sufficient enough to cover the little body properly.

Before going to buy the blanket for the baby, there are certain things that should be taken into account. Like the quality or the material of the blanket. Though, it depends on the type of baby blanket preferred one must make sure that the material should be soft, comfortable and does not shrink after a wash.

The fleece baby blanket can be easily made as it is made up of wool fabrics. In fact the stitching is not at all complicated and can be made with simple straight stitches. This makes these blankets cheaper than the others. Even the material or the kind of wool used is easily available. And the most interesting fact about the fleece baby blanket is that it is easy to wash.

The fleece baby blanket is a popular choice for young mothers who are shopping for the babyโ€™s comfort as well as theirs. And this makes it a much loved gift concept as well for friends and family at showers and new born parties. The benefit of the baby blanket is that it makes a very comfortable wrap. It helps the baby sleep faster and for a longer time thus making it a perfect buy for the new little darling.

Having a new baby is a wonderful experience and at the same time caring new born is overwhelming. There are many comfortable and safe ways to carry a baby. Always support your babyโ€™s head and neck under forearms as they cannot lift their head.

Caring new born involves the cleaning of umbilical cord stump with alcohol after every diaper change. Parents wonder when this will fall off. Umbilical cord is connected to the placenta and your baby at the belly button area (navel). After the birth the cord is cut and covered with clamps.

Care of umbilical has to be taken to prevent the infection until it falls off by itself. Dip a cotton swab or cotton ball in alcohol and move it around the bottom of the cord where it is attached to the navel. It has to fall off within 1 to 3 weeks after the birth.

New born usually eat for every three to four hours, some even feed for every two hours. As breast-fed babies can digest fast they need to be fed more frequently than the bottle-fed young ones.

Baby crying is a sort of communication between the mother and the baby. They usually cry when they are hungry, wet, tired, and lonely, bored and have to burp.

A mother quickly understands what the baby needs. Responding to a baby will simply build the relationship between the child and mother instead of spoiling the child.

Many things can be done to make a crying baby calm. By holding a baby over ones shoulders will make him calm down. Also by placing stomach of the baby across the knees or by wrapping the baby in blankets will do the trick.

Sleep is an essential thing to the new born. Normally a baby can sleep for 16 to 20 hours a day. The American Academy Pediatrics suggested that the healthy full-term babies sleep on their backs in order to reduce the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).

Trim the nails of the infants during their first days of life with blunt edge scissors or file with an emery board to prevent scratching. The nails should be cut slightly across.

Bathing your baby will be a fun and you can enjoy doing it. Until the cord is fallen off give the sponge bath. After that, the tub baths can be given. While bathing, the water should be little warm.

Support the head and neck of the baby while bathing. Donโ€™t use the soap on the face. Bathing should be done before feeding or after one hour after feeding the baby.

Diapers have to be changed when the baby is wet or soiled. Wash and pat dry after each bowel movement and wetting. For girls, gently wash from front to back by separating the folds with a clean wash cloth.

Wash the penis, folds near the scrotum and creases in boys. The foreskin of the uncircumcised baby should not be pushed back.

Hence, Caring newborn is lifeโ€™s biggest challenge but soon you will be able to know their needs and how to soothe them.

Physical Changes

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, you will need to talk to your doctor about things your spouse will experience as her body starts to recover from the pregnancy:

โ€ข She will have spotting or bleeding, like a menstrual period off and on for up to six weeks.

โ€ข Your spouse might also experience swelling in her legs and feet. She can reduce swelling by keeping her feet elevated.

โ€ข She should try to drink plenty of water and eat fresh fruits and vegetables if she is feeling constipated

โ€ข Cramping is common, especially if she is breastfeeding. Her breast milk will come in within three to six days after her delivery. Even if she is not breastfeeding, she can have milk leaking from her nipples, and her breasts might feel full, tender or uncomfortable.

โ€ข Make sure your partner follows her doctor’s instructions on how much activity, like climbing stairs or walking, she can do for the next few weeks.

โ€ข Doctors usually recommend that the new mother abstain from sexual intercourse for four to six weeks after birth. Before resuming sexual intercourse, your spouse should talk with her doctor about her plan for birth control since she can become pregnant again. Breastfeeding alone does not protect anyone from getting pregnant again.

Regaining a Healthy Weight and Shape

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, both pregnancy and labor can affect a woman’s body. If your partner is trying to lose some additional pregnancy weight, make sure she does it in a healthy way and consults her doctor before she starts any type of diet or exercise plan.

If she wants to diet and is breastfeeding, it is best to wait until the baby is at least two months old. During those first two months, your spouseโ€™s body needs to recover from childbirth and establish a good milk supply. Then when she starts to lose weight, she should try not to lose too much too quickly. This can be harmful to the baby because environmental toxins that are stored in the motherโ€™s body fat can be released into her breast milk. Losing about one pound per week (no more than four pounds per month) has been found to be a safe amount and will not affect the milk supply or the baby’s growth. The new mother can safely lose weight by consuming at least 1800 calories per day with a well-balanced, nutritious diet that includes foods rich in calcium, zinc, magnesium, vitamin B6, and folate. Diets in which she consumes less than 1500 calories per day are not recommended at any point during breastfeeding.

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, this can put her at risk for a nutritional deficiency, lower her energy level, and lower her resistance to illness.

Infant Safety

It has been recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics that infants be placed to sleep on their backs to reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), also known as crib death. SIDS is defined as the sudden and unexplained death of a baby less than 1 year of age. There are some things that you can do to make your baby safer according to the AAP:

โ€ข The baby should always be placed on his or her back to sleep, even for naps. This is the safest sleep position to reduce the risk of SIDS for a healthy baby. You can place your baby on a firm mattress, for example – in a safety-approved crib. It has been shown through research that placing a baby to sleep on soft mattresses, sofas, sofa cushions, waterbeds, sheepskins, or other soft surfaces raises the risk of SIDS.

โ€ข It is advisable to remove soft, fluffy, and loose bedding and stuffed toys from your baby’s sleep area. You should make sure to keep all pillows, quilts, stuffed toys, and other soft items away from the baby’s sleep area.

โ€ข Everyone who cares for your baby should know to place your baby on his or her back to sleep and about the dangers of soft bedding. You can make sure of this by talking to child care providers, grandparents, babysitters, and all caregivers about SIDS risk. Every sleep time counts.

โ€ข Your baby’s face and head should stay uncovered during sleep. Blankets and other coverings should be kept away from your baby’s mouth and nose. Dressing the baby in sleep clothing is the best way so no other covering can be used over the baby. If any other covering is used, one can make sure that the baby’s feet are at the bottom of the crib, the blanket is no higher than the baby’s chest, and the blanket is tucked in around the bottom of the crib mattress.

โ€ข Smoking must not be tolerated around your baby. Remember not to smoke before or after the birth of your baby.

โ€ข Make sure your baby does not get too warm during sleep. Your baby’s room should be kept at a temperature that is comfortable for an adult. Too many layers of clothing or blankets will overheat your baby.

Some mothers often worry about the baby rolling over during the night. However, the risk for SIDS is reduced when your baby is able to roll over by herself. Most babies are not able to turn over from their backs to their stomachs, during what is considered the time of greatest risk, 2 to 4 months of age.

Getting Rest

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the first few days at home after having the baby are a time for rest and recuperation for your spouse, physically and emotionally. She needs to focus her energy on herself and on getting to know the new baby. Even though she may be very excited and have requests for lots of visits from family and friends, she should try to get as much rest as possible. Don’t expect her to keep the house perfect. You may find that all the new mother can do is eat, sleep and care for the baby. And that is perfectly okay. Teach her to pace herself from the first day that she arrives back home. Get her to try to lie down or nap while the baby naps. Keep her from trying to do too much around the house. Be sure to help her and tell her not to be afraid to ask for help with cleaning, laundry, meals, or with caring for the baby.

Features advice from experienced dads on parenting, pregnancy care, bringing on labor, Breastfeeding tips, pregnancy weight loss and baby care.